Achievements Unlocked
Don't worry, metagaming is all that matters.

Bosses Killed
You've killed HOW many?

Colossus Killed
You've killed HOW many?

Drakes Killed
You've killed HOW many?

Hardcore random points
Well, I might be a blind, deaf, crippled guy, but hey, at least I'm alive.

Intento Score
A blast from the future?

Tourists Served as Bartender Highscore
Your highscore on serving tourist bots as bartender.

Boss Killer
You've come a long ways from asking how to switch hands.

Centcom Grade: Acceptable Service
Well, it'll do! You and your department did just fine.

Centcom Grade: Shitty Service
Well, you at least tried. How about trying harder?

Clickbait
Where's my free smartphone?!?

Colussus Killer
The bigger they are... the better the loot

Drake Killer
Now I can wear Rune Platebodies!

HA, GOTTEM
Made you look!

How Do I Switch Hands???
If you saw someone casually club themselves upside the head with a toolbox anywhere in the galaxy but here, you'd probably be pretty concerned for them.

I Was a Teenage Anarchist
You were doing a great job sticking it to the system until that vending machine decided to fight back.

Long shift
Well, that didn't take long.

Mister Sandman
Mechanically speaking, there's no real benefit to being unconscious during surgery. Weird how insistent this doctor is about using the N2O anyway though, huh?

My Watchlist Status is Not Important
You may be under the impression that violent video games are a harmless pastime, but the security and medical personnel swarming your location with batons and knockout gas look like they disagree.

Ordeal of Sisyphus
Successfully carry a boulder from Lavaland all the way to Centcom, without ever dropping it. We must imagine you're happy to unlock this.

Perfect chemistry blossom
Passed the chemistry tutorial with perfect purity!