voice_of_god from 98545 on Basil
What How Many
SLEEP 2
I’M READING A BOOK ABOUT ANTI-GRAVITY. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT DOWN. 1
;I WASN’T ORIGINALLY GOING TO GET A BRAIN TRANSPLANT, BUT THEN I CHANGED MY MIND. 1
;WHAT DO YOU CALL A BAKER WITH A COLD? COUGHEE CAKE!!! 1
;DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE FIRE AT THE SHOE FACTORY? A THOUSAND SOLES GOT BURNED, SOME HEEL DID IT WHILE HE WAS LACED. BURN!!! 1
;WE SPENT ALL DAY DEBATING ABOUT HOUSEFIRES. IT WAS QUITE A HEATED ARGUMENT. 1
;I WAS HIKING ONCE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. SUDDENLY A HUGE BROWN BEAR WAS CHARGING AT US, REALLY MAD. WE MUST HAVE COME CLOSE TO HER CUBS. LUCKILY I HAD MY 9MM PISTOL WITH ME. ONE SHOT TO MY GIRLFRIEND'S KNEECAP WAS ALL IT TOOK. I COULD WALK AWAY AT A COMFORTABLE PACE. 1
;A MAN WENT INTO A LIBRARY AND ASKED FOR A BOOK ON HOW TO COMMIT SUICIDE. THE LIBRARIAN SAID: “FUCK OFF, YOU WON’T BRING IT BACK.” 1
;WHEN DO YOU KNOW A BANANA WANTS TO DANCE? WHEN YOU SEE A BANANA SHAKE! 1
;WHAT DRINK BREAKS THE ICE? FLIRT-TEA. 1
;WHAT DID THE EAGLE SAY WHEN HE WAS COLD ? BIRRRRRD. 1
;WHY DO SEALS SWIM IN SALT WATER? BECAUSE PEPPER WATER MAKES THEM SNEEZE! WHERE CAN YOU FIND AN OCEAN WITHOUT ANY WATER? ON A MAP! 1
;WHAT VEGETABLE WAS FORBIDDEN ON THE SHIPS OF ARCTIC EXPLORERS? LEEKS! 1
;WHY DIDN’T THE TOURIST IN THE ARCTIC GET ANY SLEEP? HE PLUGGED HIS ELECTRIC BLANKET INTO THE TOASTER BY MISTAKE – AND KEPT POPPING OUT OF BED ALL NIGHT! 1
;WHAT DID ONE GREENLAND SHARK SAY TO THE OTHER? “SAY, GOOD LOOKIN’… DIDN’T I MEET YOU LAST NIGHT AT THE FEEDING FRENZY?” 1
;WHY DID THE MAN HIDE HIS MONEY IN THE FREEZER ? BECAUSE HE WANTED COLD HARD CASH. 1
;WHY DID THE BOY PUT AN ALARM CLOCK IN HIS SHOE? HE DIDN’T WANT HIS FOOT TO FALL ASLEEP. 1
;WHERE DO DOGS GO AFTER THEIR TAILS FALL OFF? THE RE-TAIL STORE. 1
;WHY COULDN’T THE CORPSE HOLD A JOB? HE KEPT FALLING TO PIECES! 1
;WHAT DID ONE LEAF SAY TO ANOTHER? I’M FALLING FOR YOU. 1
;WHY DO BIRDS FLY SOUTH IN THE FALL? BECAUSE IT’S TOO FAR TO WALK. 1
;WHY DID SUMMER CATCH AUTUMN? BECAUSE AUTUMN IS FALL. 1
;OLD FIRE FIGHTERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST DO ASBESTOS THEY CAN. 1
; BOWLERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST END UP IN THE GUTTER. 1
;WHY DID THE HIPSTER BURN HER TONGUE? SHE DRANK HER TEA BEFORE IT WAS COOL. 1
;THE CANCER SPECIALIST NEVER GETS TO SLEEP, BECAUSE HE’S AN ON-COL-OGIST. 1
;WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU FIND A DINOSAUR IN YOUR BED? FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SLEEP! 1
;WHERE DO FISH SLEEP? IN A WATER BED. 1
Total 29
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